i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
