I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
