I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
