If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
