hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
