I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
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I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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