He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
