I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
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