and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I got her a Nickelback box set.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
