I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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