I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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