My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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