I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
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Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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