I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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