i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
