I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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