I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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