maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
