I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
