So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
