I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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