I just pynch a tree in the face
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
