WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
