Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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