I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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