Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
