Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
