party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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