Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
