mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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