I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I am morally bankrupt
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What drink are we having for lunch?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
