I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
