the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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