The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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