Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think i peed on brittanys purse
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
