Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
