sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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