u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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