I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
