with your own penis?
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
