I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
