you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i love accidental penises.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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