just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
