Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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