The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
