Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
