I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
