Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
