You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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