Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
