i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
