If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
