Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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