So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
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Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
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i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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