I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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