Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
