Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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