im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
