you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
