your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel great
I just peed on a car
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
