38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
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