I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
