my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
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Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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