his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
