3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize