Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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